THE RIPPLE EFFECT:
How the Death of a Family Member Impacts Lives Directly and Indirectly
Losing a grandparent is always a difficult part of transitioning into adulthood. But for Sarah Welsh, the most difficult aspect of her grandfather’s death in 2006 is the toll it took and has continued to take on her mom, Suzy. However, watching her grandfather’s health slowly and painfully degenerate was not easy.
James Merrell Hobbs, affectionately dubbed by Sarah as “Granddad”, died on February 6, 2006 in a hospital in Lubbock after having suffered from Parkinson’s disease for 8 years. For both Sarah and Suzy, it was especially difficult to see James in his weakened state because they relied on him as a strong and cheerful member of the family. James owned his own business, Team Totes, in Abilene, Texas, which he started after leaving his job as the band director at Sweetwater High to care for his ailing wife. “He was an incredibly hard worker,” Sarah said.
Cecilia, one of the primary employees at Team Totes, was the first to notice signs of abnormality in James’ health while he was working, specifically shakiness and irritability. When Sarah, Suzy, and the rest of their family moved to Abilene in 1998 to help him retire, they began to notice the symptoms too. Even though there is no cure for Parkinson’s disease, with the help of medication it progressed slowly. According to Sarah, her grandfather’s state of health did not start deteriorating rapidly until 2004.
Sarah remembers her mom as her grandfather’s primary caretaker. At times she would drive to his house up to three times a day to feed him. Eventually it became too difficult for James to even eat. “He would cough and choke and it was horrible,” Suzy said. In spring 2005 he was given a feeding tube. In October of 2005, Suzy made the excruciating decision to place her father in a VA hospital in Big Springs, Texas. “I just couldn’t handle it anymore,” Suzy said. “It was overwhelming for her,” Sarah agreed. Even though the VA hospital was farther from Abilene than the family liked, it was the most financially viable option for the family since the World War II veteran received free care. While she realized that she could no longer care for her father and that he needed professional medical treatment, Suzy still felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness and guilt for having to be the one to remove him from his home. “I felt responsible that he lost his life there,” she said.
James was the type of person who saw the good in everything and everybody, even during his time at the VA hospital, which was accompanied by increasing amounts of pain. He accepted his move quietly and without complaint, even making friends at the hospital. Suzy said she thinks “. . . he knew that he would never come out of there. . .”
In fact, his stay only lasted a few months. On January 30, 2006 James fell, breaking his hip and injuring his head. After being transferred to a hospital in Lubbock, Texas he underwent hip replacement surgery but passed away six days later at the age of 85 due to internal bleeding from his head injury and complications resulting from a weakened immune system.
Now, only three and a half years later, the loss is still fresh and the grieving process still a constant reality for Suzy. “I have days that I grieve and other days that are good days,” she says. “I was very close to my father.”
James’ death impacted Sarah differently. Even though she grieves the loss of her grandfather, she feels even more acutely the emotional toll that it took on her mother. “He was my closest grandparent, but the hardest part for me was seeing how it affected my mother,” she said. According to Sarah, Suzy had a very difficult time dealing with her father’s death, which caused her to struggle with depression, which she is still fighting. Sarah said that she only saw her mom crying twice over her grandfather’s death, and that her coping mechanism was sleeping. Sarah emphasized how her grandpa understood her mom in a way no one else did and was her escape and her support. Because they were so close, it was especially traumatic for her to watch him experience so much pain.
While both Sarah and Suzy dealt were impacted by James Hobbs’s death in different ways, they are both still feeling the lingering effects of the death of a loved one. Even though it is over three years now since he passed away, they both still talk about it like it was yesterday.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Friday, June 1, 2012
Beautiful Glory
All around me, families abound
Embracing and laughing; oh! what a lovely sound
There's an aching in my chest and a bond that I'm missing
Those fun times I dream about, all the while, I keep on wishing
A family that's united, strong and one
A father that can look my husband in the eyes and call him "Son"
His disconnection to my life is one I always think about
The cards he sends with signed love, I always doubt
I long for a mother who is selfless and compassionate
To her Savior, I wish she was fervently passionate
She would be an inspiration all my years
Her love for me I can see through tears
Why God must I feel this way?
A family you give me to only break it away?
A woman has so many relational needs
You can plant and water but it's worthless without seeds
God grant us strength as we carry a new generation
That they will have the united bond and never know this frustration
Be our hope and salvation
Hear us! Don't forget your creation
My joy is in You My sorrow, please get me through
One day at a time
In the end, I know, it'll all be worth this climb
To Your Kingdom, I long to further with this story
Make me useful, all my days, for Your beautiful glory
Embracing and laughing; oh! what a lovely sound
There's an aching in my chest and a bond that I'm missing
Those fun times I dream about, all the while, I keep on wishing
A family that's united, strong and one
A father that can look my husband in the eyes and call him "Son"
His disconnection to my life is one I always think about
The cards he sends with signed love, I always doubt
I long for a mother who is selfless and compassionate
To her Savior, I wish she was fervently passionate
She would be an inspiration all my years
Her love for me I can see through tears
Why God must I feel this way?
A family you give me to only break it away?
A woman has so many relational needs
You can plant and water but it's worthless without seeds
God grant us strength as we carry a new generation
That they will have the united bond and never know this frustration
Be our hope and salvation
Hear us! Don't forget your creation
My joy is in You My sorrow, please get me through
One day at a time
In the end, I know, it'll all be worth this climb
To Your Kingdom, I long to further with this story
Make me useful, all my days, for Your beautiful glory
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Battle
Life's battle is not in conquering loneliness, making more money, losing weight, making a spouse or friendship honor us, being in school, or raising "good" children. The battle is beyond moral symptoms. It is looking into the dark parts of our heart that has created an expectation of ourselves and others that is impossible to meet without submitting to the sufficency of what came out of the cross. What we are owned and defined by drives all circumstances and behaviors. "Attempting to walk in sanctification without being changed by and driven by the Gospel is like trying to write with a pen where the ink has been taken out."
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Respectful Living
I've realized I most respect people who:
20) use eye contact when having a conversation
19) live uncomfortably. This is not to say that they sell everything and sleep on the street with a sleeping bag. I'm saying, people who get out there and serve. And do dirty work for free. And go on the streets and talk to gangsters. And who volunteer at a jail. And foster an abused child.
18) are not passive-aggressive. biggest pet peeve ever.
17) are thankful
16) can actually live in Louisiana
15) are consist in their thinking, in their actions, and in their beliefs. Sounds simple. But it is incredibly hard to find.
14) have a dry wit. And use it well.
13) run from melancholy complacency
12) are not afraid to confront with the intent TO MAKE IT RIGHT. This includes apologizing
11) shake hands with confidence
10) feverishly push past their weaknesses
9) have a love for reading
8) can exegetically explain Scripture
7) treat customer service, their waiter, their grocery clerk with dignity
6) don’t rely on their parents for complete stability emotionally and financially
5) puts themselves into counseling (few submit to the fact that they need this. even fewer get in it.)
4) have goals
3) are aware of where they struggle and can speak openly about it
2) don’t take themselves too seriously
1) are on to something
20) use eye contact when having a conversation
19) live uncomfortably. This is not to say that they sell everything and sleep on the street with a sleeping bag. I'm saying, people who get out there and serve. And do dirty work for free. And go on the streets and talk to gangsters. And who volunteer at a jail. And foster an abused child.
18) are not passive-aggressive. biggest pet peeve ever.
17) are thankful
16) can actually live in Louisiana
15) are consist in their thinking, in their actions, and in their beliefs. Sounds simple. But it is incredibly hard to find.
14) have a dry wit. And use it well.
13) run from melancholy complacency
12) are not afraid to confront with the intent TO MAKE IT RIGHT. This includes apologizing
11) shake hands with confidence
10) feverishly push past their weaknesses
9) have a love for reading
8) can exegetically explain Scripture
7) treat customer service, their waiter, their grocery clerk with dignity
6) don’t rely on their parents for complete stability emotionally and financially
5) puts themselves into counseling (few submit to the fact that they need this. even fewer get in it.)
4) have goals
3) are aware of where they struggle and can speak openly about it
2) don’t take themselves too seriously
1) are on to something
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I think there is nothing more sad than parents who engrave in their children an arrogance that, ultimately, teaches to be indifferent to the pain and brokenness that completely surrounds them. Seriously. Think about the mass amount of issues that has branched from this idea.
I'm very observant of parents now that I am a full-time caretaker of a child and the most frequent things I see are: gossip around the kids (especially to slander the other parent), ignoring the child for long periods of time due to being attached to the cell phone (and when the kid is going crazy they either get hit or screamed at for their behavior due to not getting attention), TV, just plain "busyness", and alcohol. How can a child learn to communicate, love, invest in, and notice the hurt around the world or even a friend if you communicate to them that nothing, even their own child, matters except getting done or doing what you need to do FOR YOU. It's sad and heartbreaking. More of these technology advances and stress of success will kill the future generations. You can only numb yourself for so long with making money and a new car. A child will reap the chaos of most parents lack of playfulness and communication and then they will become them. Amazing what would happen if children learned to wrap presents at Christmas for other children. Amazing what would happen if parents put down their cell phones. Amazing what would happen if the TV was turned off. I pray for my generation and their kids. God help us.
I'm very observant of parents now that I am a full-time caretaker of a child and the most frequent things I see are: gossip around the kids (especially to slander the other parent), ignoring the child for long periods of time due to being attached to the cell phone (and when the kid is going crazy they either get hit or screamed at for their behavior due to not getting attention), TV, just plain "busyness", and alcohol. How can a child learn to communicate, love, invest in, and notice the hurt around the world or even a friend if you communicate to them that nothing, even their own child, matters except getting done or doing what you need to do FOR YOU. It's sad and heartbreaking. More of these technology advances and stress of success will kill the future generations. You can only numb yourself for so long with making money and a new car. A child will reap the chaos of most parents lack of playfulness and communication and then they will become them. Amazing what would happen if children learned to wrap presents at Christmas for other children. Amazing what would happen if parents put down their cell phones. Amazing what would happen if the TV was turned off. I pray for my generation and their kids. God help us.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Katie interviewed my mom and I on the death of my faithful Grandad
THE RIPPLE EFFECT:
How the Death of a Family Member Impacts Lives Directly and Indirectly
Losing a grandparent is always a difficult part of transitioning into adulthood. But for Sarah Welsh, the most difficult aspect of her grandfather’s death in 2006 is the toll it took and has continued to take on her mom, Suzy. However, watching her grandfather’s health slowly and painfully degenerate was not easy.
James Merrell Hobbs, affectionately dubbed by Sarah as “Granddad”, died on February 6, 2006 in a hospital in Lubbock after having suffered from Parkinson’s disease for 8 years. For both Sarah and Suzy, it was especially difficult to see James in his weakened state because they relied on him as a strong and cheerful member of the family. James owned his own business, Team Totes, in Abilene, Texas, which he started after leaving his job as the band director at Sweetwater High to care for his ailing wife. “He was an incredibly hard worker,” Sarah said.
Cecilia, one of the primary employees at Team Totes, was the first to notice signs of abnormality in James’ health while he was working, specifically shakiness and irritability. When Sarah, Suzy, and the rest of their family moved to Abilene in 1998 to help him retire, they began to notice the symptoms too. Even though there is no cure for Parkinson’s disease, with the help of medication it progressed slowly. According to Sarah, her grandfather’s state of health did not start deteriorating rapidly until 2004.
Sarah remembers her mom as her grandfather’s primary caretaker. At times she would drive to his house up to three times a day to feed him. Eventually it became too difficult for James to even eat. “He would cough and choke and it was horrible,” Suzy said. In spring 2005 he was given a feeding tube. In October of 2005, Suzy made the excruciating decision to place her father in a VA hospital in Big Springs, Texas. “I just couldn’t handle it anymore,” Suzy said. “It was overwhelming for her,” Sarah agreed. Even though the VA hospital was farther from Abilene than the family liked, it was the most financially viable option for the family since the World War II veteran received free care. While she realized that she could no longer care for her father and that he needed professional medical treatment, Suzy still felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness and guilt for having to be the one to remove him from his home. “I felt responsible that he lost his life there,” she said.
James was the type of person who saw the good in everything and everybody, even during his time at the VA hospital, which was accompanied by increasing amounts of pain. He accepted his move quietly and without complaint, even making friends at the hospital. Suzy said she thinks “. . . he knew that he would never come out of there. . .”
In fact, his stay only lasted a few months. On January 30, 2006 James fell, breaking his hip and injuring his head. After being transferred to a hospital in Lubbock, Texas he underwent hip replacement surgery but passed away six days later at the age of 85 due to internal bleeding from his head injury and complications resulting from a weakened immune system.
Now, only three and a half years later, the loss is still fresh and the grieving process still a constant reality for Suzy. “I have days that I grieve and other days that are good days,” she says. “I was very close to my father.”
James’ death impacted Sarah differently. Even though she grieves the loss of her grandfather, she feels even more acutely the emotional toll that it took on her mother. “He was my closest grandparent, but the hardest part for me was seeing how it affected my mother,” she said. According to Sarah, Suzy had a very difficult time dealing with her father’s death, which caused her to struggle with depression, which she is still fighting. Sarah said that she only saw her mom crying twice over her grandfather’s death, and that her coping mechanism was sleeping. Sarah emphasized how her grandpa understood her mom in a way no one else did and was her escape and her support. Because they were so close, it was especially traumatic for her to watch him experience so much pain.
While both Sarah and Suzy dealt were impacted by James Hobbs’s death in different ways, they are both still feeling the lingering effects of the death of a loved one. Even though it is over three years now since he passed away, they both still talk about it like it was yesterday.
How the Death of a Family Member Impacts Lives Directly and Indirectly
Losing a grandparent is always a difficult part of transitioning into adulthood. But for Sarah Welsh, the most difficult aspect of her grandfather’s death in 2006 is the toll it took and has continued to take on her mom, Suzy. However, watching her grandfather’s health slowly and painfully degenerate was not easy.
James Merrell Hobbs, affectionately dubbed by Sarah as “Granddad”, died on February 6, 2006 in a hospital in Lubbock after having suffered from Parkinson’s disease for 8 years. For both Sarah and Suzy, it was especially difficult to see James in his weakened state because they relied on him as a strong and cheerful member of the family. James owned his own business, Team Totes, in Abilene, Texas, which he started after leaving his job as the band director at Sweetwater High to care for his ailing wife. “He was an incredibly hard worker,” Sarah said.
Cecilia, one of the primary employees at Team Totes, was the first to notice signs of abnormality in James’ health while he was working, specifically shakiness and irritability. When Sarah, Suzy, and the rest of their family moved to Abilene in 1998 to help him retire, they began to notice the symptoms too. Even though there is no cure for Parkinson’s disease, with the help of medication it progressed slowly. According to Sarah, her grandfather’s state of health did not start deteriorating rapidly until 2004.
Sarah remembers her mom as her grandfather’s primary caretaker. At times she would drive to his house up to three times a day to feed him. Eventually it became too difficult for James to even eat. “He would cough and choke and it was horrible,” Suzy said. In spring 2005 he was given a feeding tube. In October of 2005, Suzy made the excruciating decision to place her father in a VA hospital in Big Springs, Texas. “I just couldn’t handle it anymore,” Suzy said. “It was overwhelming for her,” Sarah agreed. Even though the VA hospital was farther from Abilene than the family liked, it was the most financially viable option for the family since the World War II veteran received free care. While she realized that she could no longer care for her father and that he needed professional medical treatment, Suzy still felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness and guilt for having to be the one to remove him from his home. “I felt responsible that he lost his life there,” she said.
James was the type of person who saw the good in everything and everybody, even during his time at the VA hospital, which was accompanied by increasing amounts of pain. He accepted his move quietly and without complaint, even making friends at the hospital. Suzy said she thinks “. . . he knew that he would never come out of there. . .”
In fact, his stay only lasted a few months. On January 30, 2006 James fell, breaking his hip and injuring his head. After being transferred to a hospital in Lubbock, Texas he underwent hip replacement surgery but passed away six days later at the age of 85 due to internal bleeding from his head injury and complications resulting from a weakened immune system.
Now, only three and a half years later, the loss is still fresh and the grieving process still a constant reality for Suzy. “I have days that I grieve and other days that are good days,” she says. “I was very close to my father.”
James’ death impacted Sarah differently. Even though she grieves the loss of her grandfather, she feels even more acutely the emotional toll that it took on her mother. “He was my closest grandparent, but the hardest part for me was seeing how it affected my mother,” she said. According to Sarah, Suzy had a very difficult time dealing with her father’s death, which caused her to struggle with depression, which she is still fighting. Sarah said that she only saw her mom crying twice over her grandfather’s death, and that her coping mechanism was sleeping. Sarah emphasized how her grandpa understood her mom in a way no one else did and was her escape and her support. Because they were so close, it was especially traumatic for her to watch him experience so much pain.
While both Sarah and Suzy dealt were impacted by James Hobbs’s death in different ways, they are both still feeling the lingering effects of the death of a loved one. Even though it is over three years now since he passed away, they both still talk about it like it was yesterday.
Monday, September 7, 2009
God's grace is not a cheap exchange. You struggle is no quick fix.
The second you believe you've got it together is the moment you have set yourself up for more failure. You’ll never get it right on your own. Realize that this side of Heaven is a day-by-day run. A meal-by-meal journey. We are taught to quick fix situations and then go to work. God’s mercies are new EVERY MORNING. Not every 5 years. Every morning you need Him. Every day we ask for it. Go to war for holiness. Plead with Him to lead you. Battle for the sake of the grace that’s been given. Know God. Meet with Him. Talk with Him. Take in that you can’t do it without him THIS DAY. You will struggle. Know it. Be honest with Him. All He’s ever asked for is your broken, repentant, and contrite heart.
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