Katie interviewed my mom and I on the death of my faithful Grandad

THE RIPPLE EFFECT:

How the Death of a Family Member Impacts Lives Directly and Indirectly

 

    Losing a grandparent is always a difficult part of transitioning into adulthood. But for Sarah Welsh, the most difficult aspect of her grandfather’s death in 2006 is the toll it took and has continued to take on her mom, Suzy. However, watching her grandfather’s health slowly and painfully degenerate was not easy.

    James Merrell Hobbs, affectionately dubbed by Sarah as “Granddad”, died on February 6, 2006 in a hospital in Lubbock after having suffered from Parkinson’s disease for 8 years. For both Sarah and Suzy, it was especially difficult to see James in his weakened state because they relied on him as a strong and cheerful member of the family. James owned his own business, Team Totes, in Abilene, Texas, which he started after leaving his job as the band director at Sweetwater High to care for his ailing wife. “He was an incredibly hard worker,” Sarah said.

    Cecilia, one of the primary employees at Team Totes, was the first to notice signs of abnormality in James’ health while he was working, specifically shakiness and irritability. When Sarah, Suzy, and the rest of their family moved to Abilene in 1998 to help him retire, they began to notice the symptoms too. Even though there is no cure for Parkinson’s disease, with the help of medication it progressed slowly. According to Sarah, her grandfather’s state of health did not start deteriorating rapidly until 2004.

    Sarah remembers her mom as her grandfather’s primary caretaker. At times she would drive to his house up to three times a day to feed him. Eventually it became too difficult for James to even eat. “He would cough and choke and it was horrible,” Suzy said. In spring 2005 he was given a feeding tube. In October of 2005, Suzy made the excruciating decision to place her father in a VA hospital in Big Springs, Texas. “I just couldn’t handle it anymore,” Suzy said. “It was overwhelming for her,” Sarah agreed. Even though the VA hospital was farther from Abilene than the family liked, it was the most financially viable option for the family since the World War II veteran received free care. While she realized that she could no longer care for her father and that he needed professional medical treatment, Suzy still felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness and guilt for having to be the one to remove him from his home. “I felt responsible that he lost his life there,” she said.

    James was the type of person who saw the good in everything and everybody, even during his time at the VA hospital, which was accompanied by increasing amounts of pain. He accepted his move quietly and without complaint, even making friends at the hospital. Suzy said she thinks    “. . . he knew that he would never come out of there. . .”

    In fact, his stay only lasted a few months. On January 30, 2006 James fell, breaking his hip and injuring his head. After being transferred to a hospital in Lubbock, Texas he underwent hip replacement surgery but passed away six days later at the age of 85 due to internal bleeding from his head injury and complications resulting from a weakened immune system.

    Now, only three and a half years later, the loss is still fresh and the grieving process still a constant reality for Suzy. “I have days that I grieve and other days that are good days,” she says. “I was very close to my father.”

    James’ death impacted Sarah differently. Even though she grieves the loss of her grandfather, she feels even more acutely the emotional toll that it took on her mother. “He was my closest grandparent, but the hardest part for me was seeing how it affected my mother,” she said. According to Sarah, Suzy had a very difficult time dealing with her father’s death, which caused her to struggle with depression, which she is still fighting. Sarah said that she only saw her mom crying twice over her grandfather’s death, and that her coping mechanism was sleeping. Sarah emphasized how her grandpa understood her mom in a way no one else did and was her escape and her support. Because they were so close, it was especially traumatic for her to watch him experience so much pain.

    While both Sarah and Suzy dealt were impacted by James Hobbs’s death in different ways, they are both still feeling the lingering effects of the death of a loved one. Even though it is over three years now since he passed away, they both still talk about it like it was yesterday.